I'll just get right out there are say it. I lack faith in people. Take a deep breath. When I say I lack faith in people, I'm not saying I believe people are inherently bad, or most people in the world are stupid (judge for yourself the truth of those statements). Actually, what I'm saying is that often, I lack faith in the people that mean the most to me, friends and family. This is something that has plagued me for quite some time, but has only recently manifested itself in a way that warranted me doing some serious thinking.
Let me explain. In the past few weeks, I cannot tell you how many times I've thought negatively about a friend of family member, only to have evidence spit back in my face that I was dead wrong. My thought process goes something like this:
"Hmm, I called friend X like twice this week, why haven't they called me back?...Jeez, sometimes it feels like I'm putting all the effort into this relationship...Screw it, I'll let them call, it'll probably be weeks til I hear from them." 5 hours later..."I am such an asshole, why do I always do shit like this?"
This is a process that repeats itself on a regular basis, and I don't know why. These are the people I care most about in this world. Shouldn't I just trust them unconditionally and be comfortable enough with our relationship to understand that they probably have other things going on or have a good reason for what they've done? No, for some reason I'm seemingly incapable of having this thought process. And yet I have some of the best friends on the planet and am thankful everyday for those relationships.
That brings me to another character flaw of mine (This is a limited time offer, 2 things wrong with me, one post). I think part of the reason I tend to have these terrible ideas about my friends and family is because I can become self-centered at times. I often expect people to act in a certain way because that's what I would do, and fail to consider that they might have their reasons for acting in an alternate manner. I need to get better at respecting that people are going to do things differently than I do, and when these people mean something special to me, accepting these differences and not thinking negatively of them for it.
To sum up, if you're reading this, you're probably one of my best friends. Therefore, I'm giving you permission to smack me upside the head if you ever catch me acting in the manner(s) listed above. I'm going to try to change, something that has given me trouble in the past. To all of you, please keep being the same as you've always been. You guys are all fantastic, and I love you to death. Or as my man Talib likes to say, "I don't love you to death because I love you to life." Thank you.
- Kaps
PS - The last 2 posts were kinda deep. The next one will be fun, I promise.
Song of the Day: Boyz II Men - Dreams
2 comments:
Jeff, it's not a bad thing to expect alot from the people you love the most. Obviously, extremes are bad--including the opposite. I've never really put this into words before, but I think I was the opposite for nearly all of college. I didn't expect anything from (most of) my college friends because they would always let me down. It's extremely disappointing to think about now as I already feel I have lost touch with nearly all of them. Then again, I'm not sure I really knew what was there to begin with. My point is, you expect alot from your friends because you should--because if they really are the people you love the most, they will come through most of the time. Sure, you may doubt it for a bit, but how refreshing is it to be proven wrong?
Amen dude. Well, said.
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