This weekend, I remembered why I'm so lucky. Lucky to have such great friends. Lucky to have people who care about me. Lucky to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that no matter how far away we are or how long it has been since we've last seen each other, things aren't going to change between us. We can pick up right where we left off, and we won't miss a beat.
If you've talked to me at all over the past few months, you know how difficult things have been for me. I'm lost. I'm 23 years old, and my life has so many directions that it could take, it paralyzes me into inactivity. I know the things I want to accomplish in the long-run, but I have no idea about the intermediate steps I need to take to get there. Part of the reason for the confusion is that I rarely have time to think about the things I need to do to accomplish my goals. Between working 12 hours a day, trying to maintain some semblance of a social life, and keeping up with my daily routine, I often forget to step back, look at the big picture, and figure out if I'm on the right track. Luckily for me, this weekend provided me the perfect opportunity to step back, think for a few hours, and collect my thoughts. I'm referring of course to the 5 hour drive to and from Pittsburgh. Normally, on a trip out to Pittsburgh, the weather goes from sunny and pleasant in the Philly area to cloudy, gray, and rainy in the Pittsburgh region. Not this weekend. This weekend was the exact opposite. I left the rainy, crappy weather in Jersey, and made my way out to Pittsburgh where the weather was absolutely majestic. It was right then and there that I knew it was going to be a fantastic weekend.
As I continued the drive out, I thought a lot about the past. About college. About my friends there. About the good time that I had. I also thought about the future, and how things would never be the same, and how that upsets me. As I drove out, I realized that yes, things are never going to be the same. As much as I try to hold on to college and all that it represented when I visit Pittsburgh, it's never coming back. I've had this revelation many times before. This time though, I've finally begun to accept it, and can move forward with the confidence that while things might be different and life may be a little harder, it doesn't necessarily mean things will be worse.
The corollary to my previous point was my realization about my living situation. I've been back and forth between moving back to Pittsburgh and staying in the Philly area more times than I care to admit. I've changed my mind at least a dozen times about this topic. I finally now know without question, that Pittsburgh is not the right choice for me right now. I love the city of Pittsburgh and everything about it (except for the Parkway) and I know I would be happy living there. In the short-term, I would be happier living in Pittsburgh than Philly. However, I need to grow up. I need to step out of my comfort zone. I need to experience life for myself, and start with a clean slate. These are things that I must do to grow and become the person who I want to be. So while I might be happier in the short-term in Pittsburgh, for the long-run, Philly is the right choice for me. That doesn't mean that I'll never be back living in Pittsburgh. In fact it's the opposite. I do see myself living in Pittsburgh in the future, just now right now. It's kinda funny actually, that Joe asked me a question and referred to Pittsburgh as my "home." And you know what, it really does feel like that most of the time.
Let's get back to this weekend. This weekend served as almost a de facto second Homecoming Week for Pitt. With Notre Dame in town, everyone decided to come back to the Burgh. I got to catch up with some people I haven't seen and talked to in a few years, and it felt really good to do that. Once such person was my old roommate, Ken, who I haven't spoken with in nearly 2 years. Most of you know that Ken and I had a falling out towards the end of college, which to be honest with you really sucked, since we were best friends for 3 years, and very formative years at that. The reasons for out falling out at this point really don't matter. What matters is that this weekend, we put the past behind us, buried the hatchet and became friends again. I had no idea the kind of burden this tiff had placed on me, until I felt the weight being lifted as Ken and I caught up and remembered some good times. It felt great, and I'm thankful for the opportunity that I had to do it.
As I bounced back and forth between everyone this weekend (the "Step Child of Divorced Parents" as Amy so appropriately calls it) I had an absolute blast. It was exactly the kind of weekend I needed, and allowed me to completely clear my head of all the craziness that was going on inside it. I returned to Jersey a new person, with a renewed sense of energy, and a restored purpose of achieving my goals and aspirations. I literally have been unable to wipe the smile off my face for the past 24 hours...and I want to thank all of you out there for making it possible. I love all of you more than you will ever know, and the relationships I have with you guys are my most cherished and prized possession.
Sometimes, when you're really lucky, everything comes together just perfectly; the people, the place, the time, and in this case even the weather. Sometimes, it all works out. And sometimes, you're able to remember how truly lucky you are for what you have. This past weekend was one of those weekends.
- Kaps
Song of the Day: NaS - If I Ruled the World
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